I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
