This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
