Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
