My boss' voice literally gives me gas
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
