when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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