so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
