You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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