I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
