i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
