i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
