So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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