Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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