Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
