Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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