When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
