Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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