So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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