i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
