do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
