she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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