I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
