Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
