I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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