1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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