I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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