worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
