Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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