Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
