6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
