you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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