Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize