Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
