i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this just has baby written all over it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
