i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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