the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
