But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize