There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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