I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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