Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
