how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
