Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
