D3 body, D1 cock
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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