Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
