I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My hand turned me down
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
