how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
