Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
