If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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