I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
where are my eyebrows?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
