Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
