She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
