I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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