And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
