sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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