Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
