1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
