I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize