i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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