i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
