JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
