Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
