just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
