Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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