So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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