standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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